4 Locations of Dangerous Snakes

Snakes are nature's most dangerous unlegged reptiles and should be avoided at all costs. How you should respond to a snake depends on the location that the snake is encountered:

1. Middle Eastern Snakes
Snakes in the Middle East generally inhabit hand-woven wicker baskets or ancient temples. Be very wary when purchasing hand-woven wicker baskets in these lands. Before buying, always check inside the basket. If a snake is living in it, ask the merchant to charm the snake before you'll buy it (remember to haggle!). The merchant will pull out a recorder and play some soothing (to snakes) music which will charm the snake right out of its skin! At this point, the basket is safe for you and your family.

If the snake is living in an ancient temple, it likely has companions! The scary part about a hiss of snakes (which is what a group of snakes is called) is that there will be every type of snake possible living in the temple, so you can't know for certain if the snake will try to poison you or crush you to death. Use torches to keep the snakes at bay while you search for a hidden exit to the temple. If you are bitten or crushed you will die, so find the exit before your torches run out.

2. Egypt
Like their Middle Eastern cousins, most Egyptian snakes inhabit ancient temples and tombs. You will not find a multitude of species here, however, as all of the snakes in Egypt are cobras. There are two main types of cobras in Egypt: spitting cobras and the King Cobra. The gaze of the wily King Cobra can hypnotize you in seconds. DO NOT look directly into his eyes or he will hypnotize you into thinking you're a chicken. Once you think you're a chicken, the King Cobra will eat you, because that is his favorite meal.

The King Cobra rules over the spitting cobras of Egypt. Like the King Cobra, DO NOT make eye contact with a spitting cobra. If you do, it will think you want to fight, and it will try to provoke a fight by spitting on you. Just walk away! If you fight the spitting cobra, you will be no better than it is. Also you will die.

3. The Old West
Rattlesnakes are a popular snake in The Old West. Luckily, these snakes only bite ankles, so a good pair of cowboy boots will protect you from being bitten. Of course, how often do you put on your boots when you head to the outhouse at 2 am?

If you are bitten by a rattlesnake, simply take off your shirt and tie it above the wound to prevent the poison from spreading. Send your dog or your mule for help while you make a crude splint for your leg from broken tree branches. The splint won't help, but your rescuers won't wonder why you couldn't walk back to town on your own if they see it on your leg.

4. Elementary School Art Classes
Generally these snakes are not real, but rather clay ropes coiled up into the shape of a pot or an ashtray. While these snakes are not dangerous, they still should be avoided. If your child returns home with one of these snakes, simply place it on the kitchen table for two weeks. After two weeks, throw the "snake" away. If the child asks what happened to it, simply state, "nature works in mysterious ways." Most kids are satisfied with that remark.