14 Facts You Didn't Know About Popes

1. Pope Gregory II added the "on a popsicle stick" to the phrase "Jesus H. Christ!"
2. Pope Callixtus III was once tricked by a particularly mischievous bishop into performing a marriage ceremony between a hat stand and a goat named Klondike.
   
3. Before the mitre became the official Papal hat, popes were free to choose between the following: coonskin cap, crown of thorns, or derby hat made from the skin of Lutherans.
4. Pope Innocent IV mortally wounded the Archduke of Newcastle in a duel over a lady. That lady's name? Jesus' mom.
5. The term "pope on a rope" was coined by Edgar Allen Poe. The rope in question was a cotton-silk blend about a quarter of an inch thick. The Pope was Pope Celestine II.
6. Pope Honorius II lost the Vatican to the Emporer of Austria in a game of whist. He won it back nine days later in a double or nothing game of lawn tennis.
7. From 1312 to 1807 and 1843 to 1919, popes were not allowed to write the letters "b", "d", "i", "j", "l", "p", "q", or "t", as they were determined to be "too phallic-looking".
8. Pope Adrian IV was part of a famous barbershop quartet called the Christ-Tones. He was later replaced in the group by Charles Dickens over a spat concerning the proper angle for their straw hats on their heads.
9. Pope Martin IV summoned forth Beelzebub, smacked him seven times on the backside with a rolled-up copy of The New Yorker, then sent him back to his Plane of Hell.
10. Pope John Paul II had the most lavish coronation ceremony on record. The baptismal font was filled with fine Swiss chocolate, the gift bags were filled with jewel-encrusted crosses and opal rosary beads, and the music was played by none other than The Mamas and The Papas.
11. Pope Urban V wandered the countryside as a young boy, planting briar seeds in an effort to ensnare evil spirits. He was unsuccessful.
12. Pope Leo XII invented the three-legged stool, the five-legged stool, and the six-legged stool. He was working on a seven-legged stool when he died from gout.
13. If you stacked all the popes from end to end (hats on), they would reach the top of the Empire State Building.
14. Pope Magnifico III spent seventeen days trapped in a confession booth. He survived the harrowing experience by gnawing at his seat cushion and rationing out the single Bit-o-Honey candy bar he had in his pocket. Also, Jesus brought him some water.